I meant to comment on this story so long ago, but life was happening!!
Bravo to you for hearing out your kids and really seeing their perspectives. It's overwhelming to switch schools but as the old song says, "you gotta know when to hold 'em & know when to fold 'em" :) Now they know if anything comes up in the future, they can come to you and you will listen and help. So mega important!
Thank you! It was hard at first to hear him out honestly. I really hope they feel safe talking to me about things. I still have a lot of work to do with impulsive reactions, and I try to repair immediately so they know my reaction was not directed at them but at my frustration over not being able to help or protect them better/etc. Parenting truly teaches you so much about yourself as a person.
Very true! And repair is really the most important thing -- we're never going to play all the right notes the first time ❤️ Hope it's a good change for you all!
My son had sensory issues and we had him tested but not for ADHD. I didn't want him medicated into numbness, which, as a teacher, I saw happen to young kids. We opted to homeschool him instead.
So no one told us to watch for addiction and depression. Had we known we might not have been any more successful-- we brought in mental health professionals when both of our kids were young teens. We might have talked explicitly with our kids about learning to monitor themselves.
Both of my kids were diagnosed with ADHD in their late teens. After their diagnosis, my therapist pointed out that I have adult symptoms. I've learned habits to help control it but your passage here:
"I am going to switch gears for a moment. Since I could remember (probably age 10), I experienced fits of depression and anxiety. I went through cycles of hyperactivity, intense focus, hibernation, and tons of other feelings and experiences I didn’t know how to name. I recall attending an art class as a six-year-old and hearing the teacher mention to my mom that I would lose interest too easily. Unbeknownst to said teacher, my mom was the wrong person to tell that to, because it ended my art classes and set off a tirade of shame. I learned that I needed to change quickly.
I had to be the person my mother wanted me to be, or else. I failed at that for most of my life because what she wanted was always shifting. If I reached that bar, she would find something wrong, and it would still not be good enough."
Wow. I have several parallel experiences.
My parents were and remain skeptical of psychological therapy, and only because they have multiple kids working in the field do I think they moderate their skepticism. But in our teens, I and many of my siblings needed therapy for depression.
Only after years of therapy have I learned to better monitor my depression, hiberation, intense focus, and hyperactivity.
Thank you for posting about this. I'll pray you find a good school. (Homeschooling was a tough choice with our youngest, but great with our oldest. Every kid is unique.)
First, thank you for sharing your experience with your children. I, too, am worried about giving my son the ADHD medication. I know that it's a lot of trial and error and he's too young for all that. I'm also grateful you were able to have that discussion with your therapist as well. I haven't mentioned this epiphany to mine yet. I mentioned it to my husband and he admitted that he's always wondered if I have it. I'm also very grateful that God presents us with these opportunities to learn from our past experiences. I experienced a lot of guilt for pushing back so much against my son when I should have been more open, accepting, and supportive.
I meant to comment on this story so long ago, but life was happening!!
Bravo to you for hearing out your kids and really seeing their perspectives. It's overwhelming to switch schools but as the old song says, "you gotta know when to hold 'em & know when to fold 'em" :) Now they know if anything comes up in the future, they can come to you and you will listen and help. So mega important!
Thank you! It was hard at first to hear him out honestly. I really hope they feel safe talking to me about things. I still have a lot of work to do with impulsive reactions, and I try to repair immediately so they know my reaction was not directed at them but at my frustration over not being able to help or protect them better/etc. Parenting truly teaches you so much about yourself as a person.
Very true! And repair is really the most important thing -- we're never going to play all the right notes the first time ❤️ Hope it's a good change for you all!
Thank you!
Having some lightbulb moments right now.
My son had sensory issues and we had him tested but not for ADHD. I didn't want him medicated into numbness, which, as a teacher, I saw happen to young kids. We opted to homeschool him instead.
So no one told us to watch for addiction and depression. Had we known we might not have been any more successful-- we brought in mental health professionals when both of our kids were young teens. We might have talked explicitly with our kids about learning to monitor themselves.
Both of my kids were diagnosed with ADHD in their late teens. After their diagnosis, my therapist pointed out that I have adult symptoms. I've learned habits to help control it but your passage here:
"I am going to switch gears for a moment. Since I could remember (probably age 10), I experienced fits of depression and anxiety. I went through cycles of hyperactivity, intense focus, hibernation, and tons of other feelings and experiences I didn’t know how to name. I recall attending an art class as a six-year-old and hearing the teacher mention to my mom that I would lose interest too easily. Unbeknownst to said teacher, my mom was the wrong person to tell that to, because it ended my art classes and set off a tirade of shame. I learned that I needed to change quickly.
I had to be the person my mother wanted me to be, or else. I failed at that for most of my life because what she wanted was always shifting. If I reached that bar, she would find something wrong, and it would still not be good enough."
Wow. I have several parallel experiences.
My parents were and remain skeptical of psychological therapy, and only because they have multiple kids working in the field do I think they moderate their skepticism. But in our teens, I and many of my siblings needed therapy for depression.
Only after years of therapy have I learned to better monitor my depression, hiberation, intense focus, and hyperactivity.
Thank you for posting about this. I'll pray you find a good school. (Homeschooling was a tough choice with our youngest, but great with our oldest. Every kid is unique.)
First, thank you for sharing your experience with your children. I, too, am worried about giving my son the ADHD medication. I know that it's a lot of trial and error and he's too young for all that. I'm also grateful you were able to have that discussion with your therapist as well. I haven't mentioned this epiphany to mine yet. I mentioned it to my husband and he admitted that he's always wondered if I have it. I'm also very grateful that God presents us with these opportunities to learn from our past experiences. I experienced a lot of guilt for pushing back so much against my son when I should have been more open, accepting, and supportive.