Do Not Be Afraid
This is your call to live boldly in Christ!
I should be helping with dinner but I am compelled to write - to counter last week’s post.
Earlier this week, I took a quiz about the Saboteurs in your life - the internal lies you tell yourself that sabotage your progress, your confidence, and your worth. I was not shocked by the results, but it did give me a lot to reflect on.
Being invisible - this is a nice lie I like to tell myself repeatedly. It’s much easier to be invisible than it is to stand out. It prevents noticeable failure. It allows you to hide your talent in the sand. It is also not what God asks of us.
Sure, we can lead and live simple, quiet lives. I am not speaking to that. I am talking about living invisibly due to a fear of failure, pride/vainglory, and a lack of self-worth. One of my saboteurs is control. If I can control my situation, my visibility, I can protect myself, right?
Absolutely not - I am not in control! Why do I struggle so much with surrendering my life to Him? Why can’t I simply trust that He knows best - that He’s formed me in His image and likeness and that He’s shaping me into a fully human, full of His love woman, who is meant to live boldly? Will I make mistakes? Of course! I am broken but I am learning, which means I will continuously take the Kingdom of God by force with my two hands every single moment of my life. My prayer is for the Kingdom of Heaven to live in my heart, and to do that, I cannot live invisibly. Someone told me that I am currently Moses in the desert before encountering the burning bush. I am living in hiding, but God desires me for much more. Those words made me highly uncomfortable and I fought the urge to believe them. I found myself thinking - would that be vainglorious to believe what this person is saying?
And then, I found myself making myself small once again out of fear.
Someone told me that I am Moses in the desert before encountering the Burning Bush. I am living in hiding, but God desires me for much more.
I recalled St. Gorgonia in a discussion today. I had not heard about her until last year. God sent me her hagiography during a time when I was most frustrated with my path in life, and He reminded me of her today. St. Gorgonia was a married woman with five children who lived BOLDLY. She took the Kingdom of God by force and was not ashamed to do so.
Judith wasn’t afraid! The most holy Theotokos wasn’t afraid! Esther wasn’t afraid! Mary Magdalene wasn’t afraid! Sts. Mary & Martha were not afraid! St. Thecla was not afraid! St. Macrina was not afraid!
And, if they ever were, they turned to God, who held His strength out to them because that’s where our fear is replaced with hope - through Him.
I was never meant to be invisible - even as a kid, I was the one mingling with the adults, trying to take charge at the church festivals. I was the sole kid (age 10) who sat with our priest while he spoke to a homeless man, beaten, bruised, and hungry, much to my mother’s chagrin and later scolding (I had forgotten about that day until just now).
Where is that girl now? She’s trying to make her way out again. Somewhere along the path, she was told to stay quiet and keep out of the way. I can’t remember when I started listening to that bad advice.
A month before I got married, I had a serious discussion with my dad about my personality. I told him that I felt too headstrong and might not be fit/suitable for marriage. He laughed. I think that’s why he was always so hard on me, especially when I chose a different, less than spectacular path for myself.
I am deeply grateful for the Orthodox women in my life, as well as those I have yet to meet, who demonstrate what it means to live boldly as Orthodox women. I pray that as my children grow, they will also see the importance of living boldly for Christ.
I pray that this is the start of something new so that I can move into something more - something beyond me - where God can work more completely and wholly.
Oh yes!!!